Why My Daughter Wants to Die...

Being a parent is a blessing that can only be compared with perfect love and devotion. As a mother of three, I can vouch for this and there is nothing in this world that I would not do for my children. When my daughter started struggling with depression,I was confused and sad. When she told us she was contemplating suicide, I was devastated. She was only eight.

Since then I have been walking on pins and needles. A never ending parade of specialists, therapists, books, church groups and family meetings just trying to fix this. That was my mistake, I wanted to fix it. I later discovered that this was a journey that we would walk together. Over the years, we became very good friends, not so good as parent child, the conflicts between the two concepts sometimes clashes with my goal, to lover her, to keep her safe.

When your child is depressed, you are depressed. When they suffer you suffer. Family dynamics change, and almost everything revolves around it. I cant remember how many nights I have lost thinking of ways to help her. Reading and taking courses on how to deal and raise a child with chronic depression has opened my eyes to the different types of disorders and conditions that plague some teens.

Working with children with emotional disorders can be very taxing. Specially when you have wounds of your own. In my case, I learned when I was child that physical wounds can heal and sometimes you become immune at the pain, but the emotional ones can last forever. I also learned, with my own child that the pain of depression can be more devastating than anything physical. She was suffering, even taking medication, and therapy sometimes didn’t help. But she is my hero. She has hanged in there. In spite of everything, she just turn 17 and still is fighting.

Through her I have found a reason to keep speaking up for those children that suffer in silence. The cutters, the loners, the outcasts, the sick and the abused. We have worked together to help other kids with similar situations to seek help, find resources or simply to have a safe outlet to express themselves and ask questions. I love her more everyday, she has been my biggest teacher and source of inspiration.